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Oh, you poor darling, stumbling across this shite, um, site. Did someone send you...? Is Uncle Google unwell...?! Oh well, you're here now, so while you wait for another page to load feel free to tune into my brain as it explodes words all over the page... On a good day some may end up randomly coherent and somewhat meaningful... On an awesome day, I will just throw shit and see what sticks.


Your experience here will be greatly rewarded if you have a working knowledge of 'Survivor' (the understated, barely-known American reality show, not the ridiculous, be-mulleted band), 'Today' (Australian version avec Karl Stefanovic and co. [don't get me started, just watch the clip in my first post...]), 'Judge Judy' (again, wha...?), insomnia (not the Christopher Nolan film) and (last, but methinks most) decent music.


And it would possibly help if your literacy skills could keep up with my over-convoluted, ridiculously complicated (over-grammarised, I hear... and could be marred by totally invented wordicles...), tangent-laden sentences. Say what? Nothin... Just ignore me.


xxx



Tuesday 22 November 2011

Why Some Tatts Should Be Illegal...

And I am NOT fucking joking... There are Fail Tatts that are funny... mispellings (tehe...) and fuck-ups that the dumb turd who got the tatt should have thought about. And in those cases you can point and laugh your arse off. As you should...

I am talking about the innocent victims of skin art... The children whose horrendous portraits grate their parents arms, chests and backs.

Put yourself in the shoes of these children... Don't stay too long. It is a fucking scary place to be...

I don't think it is in anyway responsible for a parent or tattooist to agree to these feats of scarring. Yes a tattoo is for life, but daddy can get that hideous shit lasered off of his arm... the child has it tattooed into it's psyche for life.

Cop this:






Ok... so let me begin by saying several people must think this tatt was okay; the customer who went 'Orr fuck yeah moight, take a fuckin piccy!!!'; the tattooist (unless his smack habit nod was mistaken for affirmation...?); and the cockmuncher who is edits the mag what did publish that abomination. That, or it is just a freakin J O K E...

In all honesty, I can not imagine someone wandering into the tattooist, waving around their quite icky Pixie Photo, saying 'Can you make this overly saccharine (yet ultimately cute) child look like an 80 year old over-used whore? Please? Canya???' That just seems ridiculous, doesn't it?

By the same token, who is the fucktard who wants a portrait done without bothering to do any research? I swear to the almighty, he must have just wandered into some shop where someone had some time. Could've been a friggin BAKERY !!!

If I were that little girl, I would be fucking suing. As far as I can see NO ONE has the right to do that to my image. Imagine growing up thinking that was what you looked like... or that was what your Dad thought you looked like, or wanted you to look like... eugh!! Oh my gawwwd... That is so many flavours of wrong. So either I would be making Daddy go get that shit removed, or he can pay my therapy bills for the rest of my pearl-necklace-wearing life... (Again, who the fucking hell are these people?)

'My Daddy has a tattoo of me wearing a pearl necklace on his chest.'

Does any kinder teacher need to hear that sentence?
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3 comments:

  1. (f)Risky24 November 2011 at 02:19

    Ha!

    Death does seem a little harsh... Plus, experience tells me if god actually exists, his judgement is fucking appalling.

    I think painful removal is the only option:

    First, marinate the offending area in olive oil and lemon juice. (Pretend you're giving them a well-earned massage!) When the skin is soft and supple, grab your cordless sander (fitted with some nice new glass paper) and grind the friggin hell out of that disgraceful excuse for Art or Love or Idiocy. When the tattoo is turned to bloody pulp, cauterise with a flamethrower. (if you don't have a flamethrower on hand, feel free to improvise with hairspray and a lighter.)

    Tattoo gone! Everyone wins!

    ReplyDelete
  2. (f)Arty24 November 2011 at 09:06

    http://news.bmezine.com/2007/05/08/cat-ass-navel-tattoo/

    ReplyDelete
  3. (f)Risky24 November 2011 at 15:24

    LAWWWL... Hello (f)Arty...!!! and your link didnt work... but I think I know the one you mean. It's a classic!

    xx

    ReplyDelete

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